I started writing this piece last year, only for it to sit, and keep sitting, in my drafts. Now, a year later, it’s finally time to be published. Since most of this post was written in 2023, I’ve kept the original present tense for these sections rather than edit to the past tense.
It was my very first dating relationship. We went from zero to VERY serious and back to zero in two months.
Two weeks later, in what felt like another break-up, God redirected me from the church I’d been attending for almost a year to another church. Though the result was good, the process was hard on my already-raw emotions. (Shoutout to the new friends who sweetly helped me through a meltdown in the church ladies’ room.)
While I wouldn’t have asked for either experience, both were clearly part of God’s curriculum for my education this year. And I needed them. I learned many valuable lessons about people, about myself, about life, and about my relationship with God.
As I began picking the pieces of my life back up, I determined to take intentional steps to absorb these lessons, work on myself, and re-focus. I set myself a 40-day goal for reading helpful books (like Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, in case anyone is interested: a VERY valuable book I wish I’d read years ago!), intentionally returning to and maintaining the things I love, and getting outside to walk every day.
In the weeks that followed, I saw God reach into my life to provide healing, encouragement, and growth beyond my expectations (Eph. 3:20). He not only refilled my empty cup but has filled it to overflowing (Ps. 23:5) with
- an enriching personal Bible study through the gospels
- goals set and met
- new friends
- ministry opportunities
- dreams come true
- new professional opportunities
- confidence-boosting accomplishments
- and more.
As I reflect on this journey and the months since, I’d like to share with you some of the key lessons I learned:
1. I don’t have to be healthy to do everything I want.
There have been some things I’ve wanted to do but have been afraid to try because of my health. While there are still plenty of things I physically can’t do, God has blown my mind in the past few months with the many cool, exciting, and memorable opportunities He’s given me in the middle of my chronic illness.
On the good days, and sometimes still on the bad days, I’ve been able to
- get lost in a good fiction book
- be challenged by a good non-fiction book
- play piano (and not just easy pieces, but some of my advanced repertoire from my classical training)
- go to church
- get together with friends
- write my book and other projects
- and more.
One of the ways God graciously restored me from these hurts was to renew the pleasure of doing what I love–something that had been sucked from me during those two months–along with the reward of investing once more in healthy, meaningful pursuits.
2. Life doesn’t have to be easy to be good.
Even after I wrote a blog post on this theme, it continues to astound me how often and how deeply “hard” and “good” juxtapose in the Christian life.
The past few months have still been hard, especially with my health–still headaches and fatigue and soreness, still slow mornings, still days at a time on the couch or in bed. But even with this ongoing hardship, my heart has been so full with the blessings God has showered upon me.
Life may not be easy, but it is still good.
3. I don’t have to be married—or healthy—to have dreams come true.
This may seem like a “duh” lesson, but God has brought it home to me in very specific ways through this journey.
Serving
One of my dreams for married life is to regularly open our home to people, whether for overnight stays, movie nights, meals, or impromptu get-togethers. (I’ve been hoarding–I mean gathering–all sorts of games expressly for this purpose.) I dream of partnering with a like-minded man to meet with people, build relationships, and pour into lives, inside the home and outside the home.
As some of the things I most look forward to doing with a partner someday, I’d lost sight of how I could do them on my own. (And when I broke up with the guy, it seemed like I was losing those dreams all over again.)
These past few months, however, God showed me I could indeed do these things on my own. I’ve had friends over for talk and a movie. I’ve hosted friends at my apartment for meals and game times (using some of those games in my cabinet). I’ve met friends for coffee or lunch to talk about life, share our journeys, and exchange book recommendations.
One of the most rewarding instances was making supper for some friends who had just returned from vacation. I was feeling really crummy that day, but I had to make food for myself anyway, and the meal I had planned was enough for several people. So I asked my friends if they wanted to come, they said yes, and it filled my heart (and my tired body) with so much joy to serve them in this small but helpful way.
As I set out plates and silverware, turned off the oven, and arranged still-warm biscuits on a plate in preparation for my friends’ arrival–on my own, in an empty kitchen–I sang with the thrill of a dream come true.
Speaking
As part of my healing journey, I started a list of dreams and wrote out everything I could think of, from deep passions of my heart to fun, someday-if bucket list items. One of these dreams was speaking. Having spoken before, at the online Diamonds conference and every time I present to my online class, I’ve found I really enjoy it and would like to do it more often.
At the end of May, God opened the door for me to speak at the Diamonds conference again (in June). As I prayed and prepared and practiced, I thanked God for the unexpected gift of making this dream come true again so soon.
Editing
I’ve done some freelance editing over the years, and in recent years it’s been on the back of my mind to pursue more professional opportunities as an editor and proofreader. After a rewarding job for a friend and some encouraging words, I took the leap and advertised my services on my social media accounts. Within days I had one job lined up for June, another for July, and potential jobs for later in the year.
As I’ve interacted with these clients and completed my first job, it has filled me with that inexplicable, incomparable joy of doing what I love. Getting paid to work with words and help writers polish their products? A dream come true.
Marriage is still a dream I have for the future (as is being 100% healthy), but God has used these opportunities to show me that some of the dreams I was connecting to married life are dreams that really don’t need marriage–or perfect health–to come true.
4. Life goes by seasons.
One of the expectations I often raise for myself is being able to do everything all at once. To write, read, work, study, meet friends, play music, and exercise every day. To play piano AND guitar each week. To tutor, edit, and teach in the same semester.
Life, however, moves with natural ebbs and flows, like the tide. Solomon writes in the well-known passage of Ecclesiastes,
To everything there is a season,
Ecclesiastes 3:1
A time for every purpose under heaven.
As the school year wound down, so did my private tutoring. One after the other, my students said thanks and goodbye, and no new students came across my path. It was this dearth in one stream of my income that helped push me to pursue editing and proofreading.
I have only one tutoring student for the summer, but that time and energy have gone to proofreading and editing. I haven’t picked up my guitar in weeks, but I’ve made enormous progress in my classical piano repertoire. I’m not using my Spanish much at the moment, but I’m reading more books than I have all year. And so it goes.
I’m learning to value the opportunities God gives me in each season, to be content with what I do have rather than pine for what I don’t have, and to find creative ways to balance the many passions and responsibilities that make me, me.
5. I don’t need marriage—or perfect health—for financial provision.
As I’m sure it is for you too, one of my biggest concerns as a chronically ill person (and as a single woman) is financial provision. I don’t work full time, so my finances are chronically tight as I pay rent (thankfully I share with a roommate), fill my fridge and my gas tank, and navigate the other expenses of independent living.
One of my biggest expectations for someday-marriage is sharing this financial burden and ultimately not having to support myself. I don’t believe women are designed to support themselves — though they certainly can, and God’s grace is sufficient — and sometimes the burden feels too heavy for me to bear. (To be clear, I expect to continue working as a married woman; the relief would be in not carrying sole responsibility for my financial wellbeing and material security.)
I’ve believed the lie that I need a man, or perfect health, to be financially stable.
As the rest of 2023 unfolded, however, I saw God’s provision in ways that proved 100% I don’t need a man or a healthy body to support myself.
I only need God.
He is enough.
(And it’s not wrong to ask for a little help from the resources available to us. Sometimes God provides through out-of-the-blue miracles, and sometimes He provides through other, willing people who don’t know to help until we ask. Either way, it is His provision.)
What lies might you be believing about your health, relational status, finances, or other areas of life? What unfounded ideas are holding you back that God is trying to free you from? Whether you’re single or married, lightly limited or significantly disabled, is God enough? Is His grace sufficient?
The Valley 