Two weeks ago we looked at the life of Moses and the way he responded (and the way many of us respond) when God didn’t seem to deliver on His promise.
But God was just getting started, beginning the layered process it would take to deliver the Israelites out of Egyptian captivity.
Through this initial disappointment and the ten plagues that followed, Moses saw that God did indeed deliver. Our God keeps His promises—always—though often not on the same timetable or in the same manner we expect.
I want to follow Moses through one more passage, in the book of Numbers, that demonstrates just how well he learned this truth, and how deeply he internalized it into his walk with God.
But first we have to stop in Numbers 11. Unfortunately—or fortunately for us fellow humans—Moses shows us another weakness before he shows us his growth.
Let Down by People
It’s after the ten plagues. After the Exodus and God’s miraculous parting of the Red Sea that became the foundational “remember when” identifier of God’s power for the rest of the Old Testament. After the terrifying demonstration of God’s presence on Mount Sinai and the giving of the law. After God’s gracious and miraculous provision of water and manna as the Israelites begin their journey through the wilderness to the Promised Land.
They start to complain—again—wishing for the fresh food they’d eaten back in Egypt (while they were slaves).
Look what the narrative says in Numbers 11:10-15:
Then Moses heard the people weeping throughout their families, everyone at the door of his tent . . . So Moses said to the LORD, “Why have You afflicted Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all these people on me? . . . For they weep all over me, saying, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to bear all these people alone, because the burden is too heavy for me. If You treat me like this, please kill me here and now—if I have found favor in Your sight—and do not let me see my wretchedness!”
Looks like the people aren’t the only ones feeling sorry for themselves.
Frustrated, affronted, and overwhelmed, Moses once again vents his emotions to God, basically saying, “If you want to be nice to me, God, just kill me here and be done with it.”
Strong words for the Old Testament’s most famous prophet.
We’ve all been there too, though, right? Bringing the worst of our human emotions to God when we feel defeated, disappointed, or fed up.
Moses wasn’t the only one in Scripture to reach this point. Just ask Elijah (1 Kings 19). Samuel (1 Sam. 15:11-16:3). Jeremiah (Jer. 15). Jonah (Jonah 4). And plenty of others, including the man after God’s own heart, David. (See Psalm 142, Psalm 13, and Psalm 42 as just a few examples of David’s moments of despair.)
Let me clarify: It’s human to feel a sense of bewilderment, wrapped up in the question, “What are You doing, God?” But if we turn that bewilderment into a weapon to lash out at God, making Him into an enemy rather than the good Father who knows what’s best for us and works all things for good, that’s wrong.
I think Moses reached that point. He was ready to throw in the towel, not just on leadership but on life.
But God was merciful. He told Moses to delegate leadership to seventy men who could help lead Israel, and He sent a miraculous load of quail to satisfy the people’s need for meat.
God graciously delivered.
Let Down by God
Fast forward to Numbers 14. Through God’s direction, Moses has sent twelve spies on a recon mission into Canaan, to bring back intel on the land and its occupants.
Ten out of the twelve spies say the inhabitants of Canaan—the land God promised to give them—are too many and too strong and it would be suicide to try to go any farther.
The people respond with despair that quickly disintegrates into bitter, furious anger. Like Moses after his first audience with Pharaoh, they feel like God has abandoned them. He promised to bring them into Canaan, after all. Now it looks like He hasn’t delivered. Again.
So all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night. And all the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron, and the whole congregation said to them, “If only we had died in the land of Egypt! Or if only we had died in this wilderness! Why has the LORD brought us to this land to fall by the sword, that our wives and children should become victims? Would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?” So they said to one another, “Let us select a leader and return to Egypt.”
Numbers 14:1-4
This time we see God’s reaction first. And now He’s the one who’s fed up.
Then the LORD said to Moses: “How long will these people reject Me? And how long will they not believe Me, with all the signs which I have performed among them? I will strike them with the pestilence and disinherit them, and I will make of you a nation greater and mightier than they.”
Numbers 14:11-12
(If these divine emotions sound familiar, it’s because they echo the conversation God had with Moses on Mount Sinai, in the middle of giving him the Ten Commandments, when Israel made the golden calf and worshiped it as the god who drew them out of Egypt. See Exodus 32:7-14.)
Moses had as much right as the Lord to be upset—more so, even, on the human level: he was the one who would be disowned from the people, possibly abandoned in the wilderness while the Israelites traipsed back to the ravaged land of Egypt (that, ironically, likely could no longer give them the provision they were looking for).
But look at how Moses responds this time:
13 And Moses said to the LORD: “Then the Egyptians will hear it, for by Your might You brought these people up from among them, 14 and they will tell it to the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that You, LORD, are among these people; that You, LORD, are seen face to face and Your cloud stands above them, and You go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and in a pillar of fire by night. 15 Now if You kill these people as one man, then the nations which have heard of Your fame will speak, saying, 16 ‘Because the LORD was not able to bring this people to the land which He swore to give them, therefore He killed them in the wilderness.’ 17 And now, I pray, let the power of my Lord be great, just as You have spoken, saying, 18 ‘The LORD is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’ 19 Pardon the iniquity of this people, I pray, according to the greatness of Your mercy, just as You have forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.”
Wow.
Do you see the difference between that earlier conversation with God and this one? In chapter 11, Moses wanted to die instead of continuing on with the burden of the Israelites and their needs. He focused on himself, his hardships, and when they would be over.
If he still had that mentality here in chapter 14, he’d be agreeing with God and stepping back, sweeping out his hands in the “Go for it” gesture. “Be my guest,” he’d say. “Annihilate away. You’ll take care of both our problems.”
But that’s not what he says. Instead, he asks God not to kill the Israelites (which would relieve him of the burdens and frustrations he still carries).
Rather than focusing on himself and his comfort, he focuses on God and how God’s name can be glorified.
Take a step back with me to Moses’s dismal response in Exodus 5:
“Lord, why have You brought trouble on this people? Why is it You have sent me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has done evil to this people; neither have You delivered Your people at all.”
Exodus 5:22-23
When Moses believed God hadn’t delivered, that his amazing and powerful God had failed him, he wanted to give up.
Now it’s Israel—an entire nation—who believes God hasn’t delivered. Who feels let down and betrayed. Who wonders where God is and what He’s doing in the face of those giant people on the other side of the Canaan border.
Moses doesn’t join them. Instead, he stands up for them. He reminds God how much is at stake—including God’s own reputation—and appeals to the Lord’s character, asking Him to forgive the people, even if it means he carries the burden of leading them for another forty years.
That is maturity. Maturity and an intimate, humble boldness with the Lord I honestly envy.
Where did this maturity and spiritual depth come from?
It started at the burning bush. Then, one by one, it developed with all the “signs and wonders” (Ex. 7:3) that followed, from the meeting with Israel’s leaders to the ten plagues to Israel’s first steps into the wilderness.
In other words, Moses had to go through his own doubts in order to help the Israelites with their doubts. In this passage, we see that his encounters with God and his experiences with God’s miracles had given him the faith—and the intimate knowledge of God’s character—not just to believe God could lead Israel into Canaan, but also to value God’s glory more than his own comfort or seeming justice.
His own times of darkness, questions, and wrestling strengthened his faith, and when others found themselves enmired in the same pit of doubting God, he could stand strong, on solid ground, and help them out.
Let Down in Chronic Illness
I hope Moses’s example inspires you as much as it inspires me. When I read Numbers 14 in my devotions, just a few short weeks after reading Exodus 5, I couldn’t help but notice the change from one to the other, and what it means for us.
What does it mean for us?
It means we don’t go through our trials for our sake alone. We also suffer for the sake of those who come after us.
God gives us trials to sanctify us, yes, but He also gives us trials so that, down the road, we can help sanctify others. That’s exactly the principle embedded in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5 (which happen to be the theme verses of this blog):
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
It’s what makes us part of the crowd of witnesses who encourage others in the race, even as we ourselves are encouraged by those who have gone before us.
So next time you interact with someone who feels like God doesn’t deliver, remember what you’ve learned in your Exodus 5 Moses moments. Then, in God’s grace, be the Moses of Numbers 14: focused more on God’s glory than your comfort, grounded in the truth of who God is, and setting an example to those around you.
How have you grown in your relationship with God through your chronic illness? Who else is struggling through this same valley? What are some ways you can “pass the baton” of faith and knowledge of God to these others?
The Valley 