Thank you, Rachelle, for sharing your story with us!
Tell us about yourself!
Hey there! My name is Rachelle and I live in Idaho. If you’ve never been to Idaho, basically imagine a bunch of potato fields, some gorgeous mountain ranges, and the sweetest, most overpriced little capital city you’ve ever seen.
I write young adult fantasy novels, but I also love to paddle board, go for walks, eat delicious food, sing, and volunteer in youth ministry. My husband and I have a band called Nelson At The Helm, and we record albums together.
As far as a day job, I’ve done office administration for years, but right now I need work that is flexible for my health. So, I started an online business reselling used designer goods, which is funny if you know me because I have never worn designer heels or purses in my life. I’m a flip-flops and backpack kind of girl.
My physical health started to go downhill in 2013 when I was 23. The doctors diagnosed me with everything from interstitial cystitis to psoriasis to chronic fatigue syndrome. But really those felt more like symptoms rather than diseases, and I didn’t have a lot of answers. I continued to grow weaker and had to quit my job. I was sleeping up to 14 hours per night and experiencing severe pelvic pain on a daily basis. My autoimmune markers were through the roof.
Finally, in 2020, an MRI revealed that I have a benign brain tumor that causes chronic illness. The tumor is situated between my pituitary and my brain tissue, right next to the optic nerve, and it was wreaking havoc on my body.
Thankfully my condition is managed now, so I am not affected to the severity I was before treatment. I still struggle with headaches, fatigue, and nausea. Some of the long-term effects of the tumor are bone density issues, muscle weakness, and infertility.
I don’t have children, and I probably will never have the opportunity to be pregnant because of this specific type of tumor. That fact is heart breaking, but infertility doesn’t mean I have to live a life of devastation simply because God has not chosen for me to be a mother. There is still joy.
My husband and I have been able to pour into youth ministry and music, and I get to write stories about courage and hope for thousands of young people to read.
I don’t know if I would have started writing if I never got sick.
Broken bodies and broken dreams don’t mean that life is over. It’s a different life than I imagined, but it is still beautiful.
What has God taught you in your valley of chronic illness?
It doesn’t feel like a valley at the moment. But ask me at a time when I’m feeling a little sicker, and I’ll probably have a different answer for you.
I think I’ve come to accept that no one gets through this life without pain. As a teen and young adult, my mental health struggled. I battled an eating disorder, I grieved broken relationships, and I carried personal disappointments.
But I got to know God through those times.
When I was married at twenty-two years old, I remember telling my husband that God had given me more than I ever asked for or imagined. The Lord had healed my mind and brought love into my life. What a good God.
Then my husband asked me a difficult question: would I still believe God was good in a season of hardship?
When my illness started, I knew it was my chance to worship God through the pain.
Hebrews 12 talks about how Jesus endured suffering also, and we are to endure so that righteousness can be built in us.
In my old way of thinking, I saw trauma and pain as something that beats people down and injures their minds forever. But with Jesus, he can actually use it to create goodness in us.
So I’ve held onto that promise, and I’ve seen it play out. Through my illness I’ve grown in compassion for others, I’ve grown in trusting God when I don’t have the answers, and I’ve grown in endurance, which is a virtue that is worthwhile in itself.
And I may not see the full fruit in this lifetime.
The story isn’t over yet. It started long before I was created, but I will go on with it into the New Jerusalem. I believe in a resurrection and a new body. So illness has taught me not to put all my hope in this life.
There is an unseen God who is more real than we can imagine.
My aunt lived her whole life with severe cerebral palsy. She needed help to do the most basic tasks that many of us take for granted, but she had so much joy, and she told everyone she met about Jesus. She passed away a few years ago in her fifties.
Perfect health isn’t promised to us. But God made an incredible woman when he made my aunt, and I can’t wait to see the rest of her story in heaven.
Sometimes Jesus heals our bodies in this life. Sometimes He doesn’t, and I wish I knew why. But I do know that someday everything will be restored.
What Scriptures have spoken to you in your times of need?
I love the entire book of Hebrews, but especially chapter 12 when considering suffering.
I love to read about the New Jerusalem in Revelation.
I used to get angry at Romans 8:18, because I didn’t understand what kind of future glory could make up for our current sufferings. But the more I know God the more it makes sense.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
In my worst times of physical pain, I listened to readings of the Psalms. They were my prayers when I didn’t have words.
What is the best part of your chronic illness?
I have learned a ton about navigating the medical system, and I have been able to offer support and encouragement to others who are struggling.
Illness has also shown me my own strength. I’m capable of pushing through more than I thought, and when that runs out, He is strong in my weakness.
How would you encourage other women with chronic illness?
Do not isolate. Find the people who show compassion and befriend them. Find ways to serve others. Don’t count yourself out of community.
In your suffering, don’t sin. It is so easy for me to turn toward trashy television or steamy romance novels to distract myself from pain. But in the long run it only damages my heart more. Turn to Jesus. He is the only one with the comfort you need.
There is always hope for you, as long as you don’t give up hope. The moment you put it down, it’s gone until you pick it back up again.
What resources have helped you?
- Some of my best resources have been people who are good at listening. Especially my husband.
- A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis meant a lot to me. His grief was completely different than mine, but it helped me process the loss of my health.
- Christian communities on Instagram and Facebook were amazing for me when I couldn’t get out to see people.
- The elders at my church lifted me up and supported me in prayer during some difficult seasons, and I am so grateful.
Can you relate to Rachelle’s story? What part of her testimony most encouraged you? Any words you would like to leave for her in the comments?
Connect with Rachel at www.RachelleNelsonAuthor.com or on Instagram at @Rachelle.Nelson.Author.
The Valley 